Tonight I find myself ending the night with putting together a piece my reel to submit for my portfolio class this coming week. At this point, most of my pieces are completed; putting it together is the easy part. With this, I’ve decided to call this character “Morris the Rocket Ship”.
Sigh..
I must say that I am definitely not where I thought I was going to be at a year ago. Sure, I have prepared myself, and probably over analyzed my ‘vision’ of my demo reel, but now that I look back, I see myself as a fool. I’ve grown bitterer about my school and some of the instructors in it. Do I have the right to fight for my opinion? – and if I do, am I prepared to pay the consequences for such a loud and obnoxious mouth?
The other day I started conversation with this a girl working at a coffee shop that goes to SDSU; what she shared with me was nothing I haven’t heard before, “all schools are like that, it’s what you put in that counts”. Before her, I’ve always shrugged at that comment, which I’ve heard from everyone.. I guess it meant much more coming from her mouth because she knew nothing about my school and is studying the opposite of my major. My response to her was,
“What does one do when one puts in 110 percent, and yet still feels cheated about the value of education per ones dollar?”
She smiled and didn’t charge me for my coffee.
As an outside person, I’ve always envisioned Art school so much differently. The more I stay inside of this campus and its corporate driven walls, the harder I want to hit myself for settling for less with such a commitment.
I have sacrificed so much to be here and I’ve made some poor decisions in order to survive here. I hate to say it but, at the end it seems like I’m still going to come in last.
I cannot wait to finish school and search for a job that will challenge me to do what I’ve come here to do, which I’m still trying to figure out what that might be.